How I wish you were here

I didn’t write for six months. The reason I didn’t write for a long time is my lack of motivation and today I asked myself “what stupid motivation am I looking for?” I have been giving real high priority to the need for motivation prior to great action, and I had to find out if motivation was a necessity to do “great” things.

The short answer is when I am afraid, I go into a “I need security” mode, I guess this code is deep imbibed into all of our conditioning. Motivation offers security, because I (stupidly, like most humans) think that when I get motivated I won’t go wrong. Just like how we might think confident people are always right. That’s sadness.

So motivation. We look for a Bruce Lee to make us understand the beauty in being fit, we need football matches to feel a sense of belonging and oneness, we need a Dhoni finish to a cricket match to understand the power of confidence, and shout our favourite swear word with pride. We hypocrites are looking for motivation everywhere, all the time, aren’t we? we are motivated by romantic love, and then we think we would live a kind, passionate, and responsible life if we get a partner who loves us more than anyone else. Can’t we do all that without the girl/guy in the deal? That way we could at least save on all that violent and desperate emotions erupting after break ups, you know, because we are already kind enough to let someone go.

So what really is the science behind motivation? (Let's break things up and find it out)

Motivations are basically ideas, that someone else gives us, and they most often sound like “hey, why don’t you see your life this way? …”. When Bruce Wayne sits down all broken crying, that he failed his father, Butler just asks “Why do we fall sir? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up” what a motivating line! a DIY on how to live, an idea that wasn’t open to Bruce’s mind, suddenly comes into being. It just clicks, why am I crying?, I am facing a challenge, I just have to pull myself up to face it! Simple.

How does quality motivation feels like?

Awesome! brilliant! wow! I never felt so such vitality! That’s what we are looking for from motivators, right? Give me that high! That ducking reason to live! Give me! Am ready to pay, but would be great if you can give for free, but anyway just give me :P. So we wait for someone to give us motivation. Motivations does feel good, it changes people, it sometimes gives us energy to move, no doubt, don’t get me wrong here, but all that said, am

motivators and the need for motivation.

Coming back to my original question. what was stopping me from writing for so long?

Well I needed a motive, are many people reading my writing? Are people getting useful ideas? Am I spreading love? Am I motivating people? When I assumed the answer to be no for most questions, I got hiccups. When I started writing, I did it because it felt good to express oneself, but soon the mind takes on with motives, and starts measuring. People have read article A more than B, so I should write this way. What would he think if I say this, would I sound cool? you know, all those are motives. Motives suck. Motivations just give me more motives.

Motivations are escape routes! Basically when I behave like a loser, I wait for someone to tell me, in a convincing way, hey do this and you will get what you are looking for. And motivations work because when we do things after getting motivated, even if we don’t accomplish what we started off to achieve, we atleast did something and that’s way more fulfilling than the paralysed state we most often find ourselves in.

Why I don't need motivations?

All motivations can give are second hand solutions. Hey I did this and I got that great feeling, you do the same and you might get it too! Like “It’s our choices Harry, that show what we truely are, far more than our abilities” said Dumbledore. Why would I want something like that? The way I see this game is, I have my bag of fears, life happens and brings me more fears every now and then. I have to face every single one of them, instantly, without leaving even a silly one for the next-day-me to solve! If I face them now, all of them, I start to flow, like magic.

How can we face all of them, that too instantly?

By facing I mean, just being ready, questioning why (like why boredom, why misery, why jealousy) and let the fear show up, then face it, accept it. I believed in this but then I did that, but that’s OK. Like I believed in compassion, but then I insulted a begger or a child, but its OK, let me not escape this guilt. Let us do this one more time: I believed in human respect, but I objectified a person, got carried away with my peers, commented bad about someone’s body, but its OK, I see it now. Dig into your bag, you will definitely find something of this sorts (or else you wouldn’t be reading this long :P). Without labeling one’s fears and thinking “I am ugly”, if we just see ourself with compassion “Yes, I am this. Its OK”, most often these fears vanishes. I don’t say to myself I should change, I think if I deserve to change, the universe would change me, so I don’t come up with solutions, I just face fears, like reading a book without judging what’s said.

Facing fears, that is all that has to be done to get to that Tao state, to get into the zen mind, to be in the zone, to flow! When I am done facing all fears, am the best me, am not looking for motivation, I am kind, am loving, I am all responsive like a freshly installed OS, I don’t blabber crap, I am beyond comparison, I am immeasurable, I am more than everything any thing motivation offers. Then why would I sit back and say to myself “let me wait for something to motivate me”?

I face fears, all motives disappear, things just click, life just happens! I want that, only that. I will fight for it when I don’t have it. Keep your motivation to yourself, never try and motivate me!

Stop waiting for someone to tell you how to face life, go live it! Go! oh wait. Did I just try to motivate you? Oops, I feared that, well what the hell, I am a hypocrite, but I will face this truthfully. I do have a motive behind this write up, I want you to live to your fullest, but the irony behind my motive is that I ask you to drop all motives (sorry xD), this moment does not need a motive to be lived the best way it can be. Unlike many motives, I see this one to be a fact.

When all motives disappears, we just flow.

That’s it! See ya ;)

How I wish you were here!

We are two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year.

Running over the same old ground, what have we found?

The same old fears.

wish you were here.

(~ Pink Floyd, Shine on you crazy diamond)